better work newsletter #30

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Running is in my nature.

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My Chinese horoscope is the rabbit - “the luckiest of all signs”. Rabbits are built for sprints and quick reactions. For most of my life, I could say the same for me.
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I zipped through many of life’s major milestones by 25.
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✅ Bachelor’s degree.

✅ Bought a house.

✅ Award-winning career.

✅ Master’s degree.

✅ Paid off student loans.

It took a decade of running to realize I wasn’t running toward anything. So I made a pivot. Until the shine wore off. Then kept pivoting.

I wasn't job-hopping, I was "strategic." I didn't blow up my life, it was "an adventure." I didn't have shiny object syndrome, this was "growth."

Until one day, my own bullshit finally caught up with me:

Crippling anxiety, insidious depression, abusive relationships, and chronic illnesses.

You can do all the mental gymnastics you want to justify your actions.

But the body keeps score.

Eventually, it will tell you when the routine is over.

Running with a blindfold

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The worst boss I've ever had taught me the best life lesson. He asked me something I now live by - and the first thing I look for in clients who sit across from me:

Are you running away from something, or toward something?

Both look the same on the outside: you're constantly in motion. So productive. So busy.

But running away from something is Groundhog Day: you think you're trying something new, but you wake up every morning with the familiar dread.

Running towards something is Day One of something truly different: unknown outcomes, a little scary, but also exciting.

To start running towards something, you need to know what you want.

My research-backed claim comes from one reliable source: Oprah.

She’s spent a lifetime sitting across from icons, presidents, and artists who fought their way out of the claws of poverty.

And when people ask her about the differentiator that separates them from everyone else, her answer is simple:

​They know exactly what they want.

They say what they want out loud often. And every single choice they make aligns with their vision, moving them in the right direction.

Most of us do it backward. We run ourselves ragged first. Then we’re confused why we’re exhausted and lost.

Then we work toward clarity.

We get self-aware, thanks to meditation, therapy, or both. We engage in self-care. The real kind, not that co-opted “treat yourself” bullshit.

That's why you know yourself better than you did five years ago. You know what you don't want. You're aware of the bullshit.

But knowing more isn't the same as knowing where you want to go.
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Choosing insanity

Let’s get back to the beginning. Every pivot in my 20s, I’d think or say, “I just like to be challenged.”

→ Start a new thing
→ Succeed quickly
→ Get bored and resentful

🔁 Rinse and repeat.

The truth was I had no clue what I wanted. I knew what I didn't want. I knew slowing down felt awful. Silence was scary.

I thought I was trying something new with each career pivot or side project, but I was repeating the same process.

Like lipstick on a pig, it wasn't a transformation, it was a cover up.

At every new job I told myself, “This time will be different” because changing my external circumstances served me well before.

And that’s the blind spot.

How to break the loop

My blind spot was beliefs.

What made me successful in my 20s was my inherited beliefs about success: keep your head down, work hard, don't complain, and never ask for more. These beliefs served me well on paper.

They also hurt me mentally and physically.

Your blind spot isn't perfectionism, people pleasing, or overthinking. Those labels are rooted in shame.

To break the loop, identify your blind spot: take this 3-minute blind spot quiz. It identifies four common blocks for high-achievers:
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🔒 Trust: You lack faith in your own choices.

🪞Identity: Your worth is tied to output.

📜 Beliefs: You're living someone else's idea of success.

⌛ Tolerance: You're too hard on yourself.

With your quiz results, answer these two prompts:

1. Who taught me to respond this way?
2. What evidence actually supports this logic?

But don't stop there. This is still part of the self-awareness loop.

➡️ Share your reflections with a trusted individual who is not a friend, family member, or colleague. You already asked them for help, and their perspectives were nice but not helpful.

You need someone who intimately understands the conflict and confusion that is driving you crazy.

Someone who isn't afraid to challenge your inner critic who will make up stories to keep you safe on a hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone who will keep you accountable when things get tough - no excuses and no judgment from anyone, including you.

That’s what the best coaches are for.
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Top 3 bullshit stories

​You've outgrown self-help because you can’t find a new perspective with a brain deeply invested in maintaining the old one.

🧠 Use my brain, instead. I want to help you reframe whatever is blocking you.

Here are three bullshit stories I hear most often:

1. If I'm not productive, then I'm wasting time.
2. If work is going well, then home life suffers. Or vice versa.
3. If I want to make a positive impact, I shouldn't care about money.

Do any of these stories resonate with you?

Reply with your story. I'll tell you how to reframe these stories so you stop running in a loop and start moving with purpose.

Take care of yourself,

Susan