How to stay consistent in an increasingly chaotic world

👋 Hey, it's Susan. Welcome to better work - a personal development newsletter for high-performers who put themselves first so that they can show up for the people they love.

The first thing you learn in therapy is that the only thing you can control is yourself. But it's hard not to react when everything around you is chaotic. You tell yourself I'll wait until things are more consistent, and then I'll start [insert the new thing that's supposed to make me a better person].

Or, you can create consistency that's within your control. While habits and routines are helpful, there's a key piece that most generalists miss. Let's talk about it.

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Read the full newsletter below.

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I lived in chaos for eight years.

Nothing was consistent; my job, my living situation, or my community. I moved three times across the world and switched jobs four times.

When sharing my story, people often react with “I could never do that.”

My response was “Yes, you could.”

No one wants to live in chaos. I love to plan and be proactive. Living in uncertainty and doing things at the very last minute left me a frazzled mess. Moving around costs a lot of money and I hate wasting money.

But when you’re forced to do it, you dig deep.

You put on blinders and focus on the task at hand. You can’t think eighteen steps ahead. You lose the privilege of avoiding mistakes.

Instead, you learn how to face the situation as it unfolds without letting the chaos consume you.

Despite the disruptions and inconsistency, my career flourished over those eight years. I even exceeded my personal goal of 40 countries by 40 years old (42 and counting).

Whether it was a new job or a new house, I got what I wanted every single time.

How?

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☁️ what do you want?

People think they aren’t getting what they want because there aren’t enough opportunities.

For high-performers, it’s the opposite.

There are too many choices. High-performers love picking apart every option and poking holes, trying to find the best one.

But this distracts them from the real problem of not knowing what they want.

Don't believe me? Then listen to Oprah:

You can watch the full clip below (or click here if the video isn't working).

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It’s easier to answer “What do I really want?” when you’re clear on your values. We covered values and updating our belief systems in a previous issue of better work (you can read it here).

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🤌 be picky

To help you figure out what you want, create constraints so you have to eliminate some options.

In other words: be picky.

Generalists have a tough time with this because limiting themselves feels like they are devaluing their worth since they’re good at a little bit of everything. Take some of those things away and the sum of what’s left doesn’t seem like much.

But other people don’t perceive it that way. It’s more confusing when you tell a potential employer or client that you can do anything.

Instead, figure out what their needs are and then offer up one or two specific ways that you can help them.

But don't offer more than two ways - there's a good reason for this.

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✌️ two, not three principle

The Two, Not Three principle was developed by Ben Prober, an incredibly successful shoe salesman from the 1950s. His strategy wasn’t to have the highest quality, the largest selection, or the best prices of shoes.

Prober understood that too many options would block people from choosing (and buying). When a customer tried on two pairs of shoes, and then requested for a third pair, Prober asked them, “Sure. But first, which of these two pairs would you like to put back?”

It's a classic case of analysis paralysis; being unable to make a decision because of too many options. Ever heard about the jam study?

When there were more choices of jams, more people stopped to sample them. When fewer options were presented, fewer people sampled them, but overall more people bought jam.

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So how does having constraints on your choices create consistency? (Say that five times fast).

When everything around you is chaotic, having constraints creates structure. You stay focused on your specific goal (or as Oprah put it, your vision), and develop a framework for making choices that move you forward.

For example: when I was moving between countries, my career constraint was clear - I only pursued opportunities that weren’t tethered to a specific location.

This made decisions simpler about what jobs and industries to pursue. Even though there were a lot less opportunities for me, it didn't matter - I only needed one job.

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🫨 I can do that?

Here’s another example: one of my coaching clients was frustrated by her job search so I told her to stop. (Yes, you can do that).

With a full-time job and two little ones, she couldn't sustain the same methods she used to get her last job. We brainstormed other ways she could spend her limited time that didn't require doomscrolling on LinkedIn and Indeed.

• Messaged people in her network working in the roles or industries that interested her.
• Signed up for websites that sent her opportunities that matched her profile (my go-to rec is Welcome to the Jungle).
• Continued to sharpen her leadership and technical skills through coaching and courses.

My client preserved her energy and stayed focused, so when the right opportunity came, she was ready.

Less than six months later, she landed an amazing new job with a $50,000 salary bump. 💰

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Why torture yourself with something that you hate and isn’t working?

If you hate going to the gym, then stop going to the gym. Find other ways to achieve your fitness goals. You can take a yoga class, go swimming, or join a walking group.

If you want to eat healthier but don’t want to stop eating cookies, then add rather than subtract. Instead of eating a sleeve of Oreos, eat a few Oreos with yogurt and almonds. You satisfy your sweet tooth and you get protein.

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🙌 limitations liberate

Without constraints, every new opportunity or crisis feels like it needs a completely different approach. But when you have clear constraints - whether it’s a specific goal or a decision-making framework - you create your consistency.

Consistency isn’t about controlling your environment. It’s about having a consistent approach to navigating it.

Remember: please be gentle with yourself. Your approach won’t always work and it’s tempting to be harsh on yourself.

Instead of dwelling on the mistakes, focus on how you will recover from each mishap. Otherwise, you’ll be frustrated about being frustrated and fall into an unproductive spiral. 😵‍💫

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🎢 what's next?

There isn’t a best choice or the right time. You can't choose how things turn out, but you can choose when to start and how to respond to whatever happens next.

In the next issue, we'll talk about how to overcome the procrastination of starting (an ironic problem for high-performers who are known to get things done).

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See you on February 27th!

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Take care of yourself,

Susan

Susan Lee

Women empowerment coach and 🌶️ creator

Founder of Hey Ms. Lee, LLC​

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after work

This is a bonus section where I share opportunities, recommendations, freebies, and funsies.

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🇺🇸 know your rights

​Immigrant rights and dealing with unexpected visits from ICE and reproductive rights.

The government websites that normally house this information are currently unavailable. As a business focused on women's empowerment, we believe there's nothing more powerful than having access to the right information. When we share information, it's not about telling you what to do or how to think. We believe you have the right to be informed and we're here to empower you to make your own decisions.

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👗 sustainable fashion

I'm not much of a shopper, but if I have to buy something new, my first stop is Good on You. They're a reliable source of sustainable brands with ratings for almost every fashion and beauty company.

This is how I narrow down hundreds of options for one piece of clothing to just a handful. Constraints for the win!

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