better work issue #9

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📉 What high-performers struggle with the most (and how to improve).

👋 Hey, it's Susan. Welcome to better work - a personal development newsletter for high-performers who put themselves first so that they can show up for the people they love.

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High-performers are natural problem solvers. Give them any challenge and they will MacGyver their way to a solution, even with just toothpicks and bubblegum.

🦁 But there are times when quitting is the more courageous than being resilient.

Today we’re exploring how to know when it's time to end things, and the difference between leaving and ending any type of relationship, including your job.

Read the full newsletter below.

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I started my email list before I launched my business.

I was working for a consulting company at the time, but I felt this pull to create something of my own. I didn't have an MBA or any business experience. I didn't know anything about marketing or selling.

I started with what I knew: LinkedIn strategy and salary negotiations. 🤑

I created content everyday and sold digital products. People wanted to stay connected beyond the Facebook group I started, so I started an email list (what you're seeing today).

Less than a year later, I quit that consulting job and went full-time into my business, Hey Ms. Lee LLC.

🤔 How did I know it was the right time to quit?

I wish I could tell you that Hey Ms. Lee LLC took off. That I replaced my salary with my business revenue. Because those were the indicators I set for a smooth transition from employee to entrepreneur.

But here's the truth: I couldn't stand my job anymore.

I didn't want to work in tech (it was a survival move), I was tired of upper management's hypocrisy, and I definitely didn't want to stare at a computer screen forty hours a week.

😵 My emotions overrode logic.

There were personal variables in play as well, but I would have shifted to entrepreneurship sooner or later. While I was an excellent worker, I'm meant to be a creator.

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✂ How to know when the end is near here

The ideal situation is to end things when you have something else lined up so there isn't a gap, especially when it comes to your income.

But you'll be surprised how often emotion supersedes logic. Once your mind is set on something, there is nothing someone can say to change it.

At that point, you can't explain how you feel. What's racing through your mind doesn't make sense. Pushing yourself to think harder only makes that mental tornado spin faster.

The simplest way to gain clarity?

😴 Sleep on it.

​A good night of sleep boosts your ability to make complex decisions and improves emotional processing.​

While resting or pausing feels counterintuitive to a high-performer who moves at top speed, the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to let our souls catch up with our bodies.

If you're agonizing over whether to end something, you may be stuck between leaving and ending. Understanding the difference will help you either recommit fully or create a clean break so you stop living in limbo.

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👣 Leaving vs. ending

In 2022, 'quiet quitting' went viral on TikTok: employees were doing the bare minimum to stay employed.

The phrase 'quiet quitting' was new, but the concept was as old as time. All of my high-performer clients were 'quiet quitting' when they first started working with me; they were working at 100% instead of 150%.

💡 I found that quitting for high-performers had two distinct parts: leaving and ending.

1. First, they decided that they want to leave their job ('quiet quitting').
2. Then, they actually left their job (resigned).

🕳 But the gap between leaving and ending can be long.

Like, really long. On average, my clients stayed in limbo for five years.

High-performers are committed. They're not quitters. So when they start to feel unsure about something, they respond to it like it's another challenge to overcome.

Secretly, unhappy high-performers would rather be fired or laid off instead of quitting outright. That way the record shows that the company gave up on them, not the other way around.

💍 Let's look at another example to further illustrate the difference between leaving and ending - marriages.

Did you know that women initiate divorce 70%-90% of the time, despite being more risk averse?

Reshma Saujani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First, and Oona Metz, divorce expert and therapist, dug into why women initiate divorce even though they're worse off [than men] in this short clip.

Here's a notable quote:

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Leaving doesn't have to mean unfaithfulness, abuse, or neglect. It can be mentally checking out of the relationship, like quiet quitting a job, or lack of respect.

The person who leaves the marriage won't initiate divorce if staying benefits them.

Growing up, I witnessed a lot of couples who left a marriage without ever ending it for a multitude of reasons from cultural, religious, to financial.

No matter how awful your situation, if the benefits of staying even slightly outweigh the risks of leaving, then you won't end things.

So how do we change that thought process?

We start by looking into your past.

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🔬 Evidence-based confidence

When we're about to end things, we default to thinking about what we will lose.

It's hard to get excited about what comes after the end because the future isn't guaranteed and that shit is always scary.

But what if you can get a strong prediction of what is possible by reflecting on your past?

⏸️ Take a moment to think about your past milestones.

I bet you've done harder things in the past with fewer resources and less experience. And yet, present you feels less confident because now you have more to lose.

So ask yourself this ➡️ Ten years ago, could you have imagined being where you are today?

If I could tell my past self about my life now, my past self would have laughed in my face and assumed I live in a mental asylum.

We need to give ourselves more credit. By reminding ourselves how far we've come based on our intuition and resourcefulness, we can access a level of confidence we never knew we had.

Not fake-it-til-you-make-it confidence, but evidence-based confidence.

You've done the work. Own it.

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🥀 Who are you when all the things that feed your ego fall away?

There is another reason to be wary of ending things - the immediate threat to our identity.

Who am I if I'm not doing this work anymore?

Who am I if I'm not taking care of my kids?

Who am I when I'm alone?

Even though you can take yourself out of an environment, the environment is woven into the fabric of your identity. Those threads are your identifiers.

• Identifiers: labels, roles, or categories that describe aspects of you
• Identity: your core sense of self; who you are

Differentiating between the two is challenging. Our thinking stems from old habits and we don't even notice what we're doing. It's like trying to watch ourselves from outside of our bodies.

Instead of hiring a personal development/career coach like me to help you with this, take the The High-Performer's Blind Spot Quiz (coming in June 2025).

By answering ten simple prompts, you'll find out which of the four blind spots is keeping you stuck in that mental tornado.

Plus, those on the ⭐ VIP list ⭐ will receive a personalized strategy session of how to shift that blind spot into a breakthrough that will fast track them towards their 90 day goals.

🤩 Want in?

​Click here to join the VIP list.​

The other side of this link is a boilerplate confirmation page. No gotchas, I promise.

🌟 Being a VIP means three things:

1. You'll be first to access the *only* assessment designed to unblock high-performers.
2. You get dibs on the limited free slots of something you've never seen before in the coaching space. Here's a hint: gamified personal growth. 🎮 Coming in June 2025!
3. You'll base your identity on who you are, not what you do.

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Are you stuck in the limbo of leaving and ending something? Or maybe you have some advice for someone who is.

Reply to this email and tell us more.

Otherwise, I'll see you on May 29th. 🫡

Thank you for reading. 🙏

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Take care of yourself,

Susan

Susan Lee

Career coach for holistic growth ⭐ enrolling clients for Summer 2025 ⭐

Founder of Hey Ms. Lee, LLC​

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P.S. Did you love today's newsletter? There are three ways you make a big impact with low effort:

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✌️ After Work

This is a bonus section where I share opportunities, recommendations, freebies, and funsies.

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📘 For my book nerds

Going off of this issue's theme, check out Necessary Endings​ by Dr. Henry Cloud.

Whether it's your relationship, your business, or your job, Dr. Cloud goes into detail of when to know when you should keep putting in the effort and when to call it quits.

🌹 Like pruning a rose bush to encourage new growth, we need to know when it's time to let some things go so we can grow.

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👐🏼 Got something to share?

Do you have an event, launch, or freebie that you want to share with the world? Let's feature it in better work!

Take this as a sign from the Universe that you shouldn't build alone.

Reply to this email and tell me more about it.

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💜 Motherload is looking for writers!

Got a story to share that isn't centered around raising kids, but the woman behind it all?

✍️ Motherload will be looking for writers to share their stories on Substack in 2025.

More details are coming, but if you already know you want to be a part of this, reply to this email with the word "writer."

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👉 Reply with the word "kit."

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