better work issue #12

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🤹🏻‍♀️ You can have it all or you can be great (but there is one exception)

👋 Hey, it's Susan. Welcome to better work - a personal development newsletter for high-performers who put themselves first so that they can show up for the people they love.

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🙈 One of the biggest myths about life is that we need to "have it all" to feel whole. What's worse, high-performers assume that to "have it all" they need to "do it all."

Even if you reach that elusive goal, you'll discover what you lost along the way.

Today, we're exploring what you're actually seeking when you try to "have it all" and how to get it without sacrificing what matters.

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Read the full newsletter below.

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You're supposed to excel at your career AND be present for your family AND do self-care AND pursue your passions AND help other people...

AND it's fucking exhausting. 😮‍💨

On a good day, you feel like you finally figured it out until life throws a monkey wrench.

🔧 Monkey wrenches aren't tragic. A flat tire. Daycare calls about a mysterious rash. The power goes out.

Now you're scrambling.

It's not because you're incapable of handling these problems.

But you can't handle all problems at the same time when the only system you (and your family) relies on is you.

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You know better and yet you still can't help but be the one who does everything. It's just "easier."

In stressful times, you turn to others who seem to have their shit together. You ask them "How do you do it all?"

They shrug and say something along the lines of "I just figure it out."

🤞🏼 But that's not the whole truth.

They do it all, but not well.

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You can have it all or you can be great

Let's talk about board games for a second.

🎲 Competitive board games like chess, Catan, or Candy Land have one winner which means everyone else is a loser.

That competitive mindset carries into our workplace. When I told my husband I met other career coaches at a networking event, he said, "You better watch out. That's your competition."

"No," I said. "They're my colleagues. There's enough clients for everybody."

I have a cooperative mindset in business. The most support I've received came from other coaches because we know how tough this industry can be.

Surprise surprise 🎉 I also love cooperative board games over competitive ones.

Unlike competitive board games where you're trying to beat other players, you all work together to beat the game.

Let's take one of my favorite cooperative games as an example: Spirit Island.

🏝️ In Spirit Island, each player picks a character (an island spirit) and work together as a team to beat the game (colonizers who are invading the island).

None of the characters are good at everything. Even when it's one player's turn, other players can play their cards to boost their powers. There's constant collaboration throughout the game.

If only life was like that.

High-performers were conditioned to believe that if they want something done properly they should do it themselves, they are responsible for everyone and everything, and if they're not successful right away then their brain screams "Danger! Danger! Danger!"

We're not trying to have it all. We're trying not to lose it all.

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🦸🏻‍♀️ The 5 Powers of High-Performers

Cooperative games like Spirit Island taught me that if you want to have it all, then you need other people.

Successful companies are successful because they have talented teams that work well together. Let's apply this to your personal life.

Instead of being everything to everyone, what if you built a team that complemented your powers?

Just like Spirit Island characters, high-performers have five powers:

🎯 Vision - See the big picture, set compelling direction
​⚡ Drive - Get things done, push through obstacles
​🤝 Influence - Rally people, create buy-in
​🛡️ Protect - Maintain stability, preserve what works
​🔧 Support - Help others succeed, fill gaps

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Let's be clear: You already possess all five of these powers.

Unlike the icebreaker "What is your superpower?" that forces you to choose, this framework gives a holistic view of all of your powers but at varying levels.

While you possess all five of these powers, you can't be excellent at all of them at the same time.

For example: I used to be on the high end of Drive, Protect and Support earlier in my career which gave me a solid foundation. But I quickly hit a ceiling. Not only was I struggling with Vision and Influence, but my Drive, Protect and Support worked against me and hindered my growth. More on that in the next section.

You can either rally people around you and be great at one thing, or you can do it alone and be mid at everything.

⚠️ With the latter option: when (not if) you go down, everything and everyone else goes down with you.

Here's how to change that.

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🔋 Find your power combo

Time for some honest reflection. Pull out your journal or take a moment to sit and think through these questions.

✍🏼 Personal Assessment

• Which 2-3 powers take minimal effort for you to excel at? Vision, Drive, Influence, Protect, Support
• Are you overusing any of your strengths?

🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 Team Reality Check

• Who on your team (family, friends, colleagues) complement your key powers?
• Are you blocking someone from being on your team, despite their willingness to support you?

🤝 The Cooperative Win Question

What would need to shift for everyone on your team to play to their strengths while still achieving your shared goals?

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💡 Keep in mind that being at the highest level for each power is not a good thing all of the time.

For example, I work with a lot of empathetic high-performers so they are on the high end of Support, which is great when there's a crisis.

But sometimes they stay in crisis mode where everything feels like an emergency and other things start to suffer like their health and relationships.

Or they struggle to take risks and explore new opportunities because they live on the high end of Protect to feel safe.

It's not enough to tell them to embrace failure and stop being perfect. They need a safe space to exercise the powers they rarely use before they take bigger risks.

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🦄 The ONE exception to having it all by yourself

If you can't rely on other people right now, here's the only other way to having it all: decide that you are enough right now.

Notice how I said that you are enough, not that you have enough.

When you decide that you are enough, then the opportunities become limitless. Not because you'll magically have more time or energy, but because you'll stop wasting both on trying to be someone you're not.

Instead of asking:

❌ What should I do next with my career?

❌ How do I balance work, family, and self-care?

Ask:

✅ Who do I want to be at work?

✅ Who do I want to be for my loved ones?

You won't find the answers in your spreadsheets and productivity apps.

The people at home, the people in your neighborhood, the people who DM you saying "Hey I haven't heard from you in a while, just checking in to see that you're OK" ➡️ they are the answer.

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That's all from me today. Thank you for reading.

🫡 See you on July 17th.

Take care of yourself,

Susan

Susan Lee

Career coach for holistic growth ⭐ enrolling clients for Summer 2025 ⭐

Founder of Hey Ms. Lee, LLC​

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P.S. I'm curious - have your Powers changed over time like mine? I would say my Support went down, but my Influence went up. This freed up my time, but still allows me to make an impact. An even greater impact than before honestly.

P.P.S. I didn't forget about my VIPs! We just bought a house and all the joys of homeownership is making this whole "settling in" thing take longer than we thought. Thank you for being patient 🙏 I promise, it will be worth the wait!

What did you think about today's newsletter? (🚨 make sure you confirm your choice on the next screen) 🤯 I NEEDED this! You read my mind. 🤔 It made me think in a good way. 🤓 Not my favorite but I enjoyed the read.

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✌️ After Work

This is a bonus section where I share opportunities, recommendations, freebies, and funsies.

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Take this as a sign from the Universe that you shouldn't build alone.

Reply to this email and tell me more about it.

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💜 Motherload is looking for writers!

Got a story to share that isn't centered around raising kids, but the woman behind it all?

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More details are coming, but if you already know you want to be a part of this, reply to this email with the word "writer."

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