better work issue #16

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🥸 Why imposter syndrome keeps coming back like a bad ex

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👋 Hey, it's Susan. Welcome to better work - a personal development newsletter for high-performers who put themselves first so that they can show up for the people they love.

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The more successful you become, the more likely you are to experience imposter syndrome.

The irony!

Despite receiving the accolades and having the receipts to back it up, 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their career.

No matter how much experience they gain and how much positive feedback they receive, those feelings of imposter syndrome never seem to go away.

That's because they are not feelings. They are beliefs.

Today, we're going to cover how to tell the difference between a feeling and a belief, how to revise inherited beliefs, and the mental roadblocks to watch out for.

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Read the full newsletter below.

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"Cut out anything that doesn't serve you."

"Do what makes you feel good."

"Listen to your body."

You've heard of these self-care statements.

After years of not listening to your body, pushing yourself past your limits, and neglecting your own needs, these statements are your ✨mantras.✨

But there's a distinction between honoring your feelings and avoiding discomfort. Do the latter too often and your growth stalls.

🌱 Growth happens outside your comfort zone.

So how do you know when to honor your feelings and when to push?

Let's start with those 'feelings' that are not feelings at all.

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Unmasking your 'feelings'

Feelings are non-negotiable. You can't just decide how your body is going to react.

When you tell someone not to be scared or nervous, it's like telling the sun to stop shining. Instead, they end up suppressing their emotions, which creates other issues later on.

But there are common 'feelings' among high-performers that aren't feelings at all.

👉 They are beliefs.

More specifically, they are inherited beliefs; the 'truths' about how the world works that you absorbed from your environment as a child.

Unlike feelings, you can decide to change a belief.

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Here are five examples of 'feelings' that are actually beliefs:

1. “I feel like an imposter” → Belief about belonging
2. “I feel icky talking about myself” → Belief about humility
3. “I feel like I’m not qualified” → Belief about worthiness
4. “I feel selfish for wanting more” → Belief about desire
5. “I feel like I’m bothering people” → Belief about relationships

Once you notice that your feelings are actually beliefs, you can reclaim your power to change them.

Let's change your beliefs in two steps. Starting with the "I am" Test.

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Step 1: The "I am" Test

You use the "I am" Test when you catch yourself saying, "I feel..."

The test reveals when you’re making a judgment about yourself or your situation, rather than experiencing an actual emotion.

Here's how it works:

1. Replace “I feel” with “I am" within the statement.
2. Ask yourself, “Is that really true?”

If the answer is yes, then you're experiencing an emotion.

• “I feel nervous” → “I am nervous” → Yes, that can be true.
• “I feel frustrated” → “I am frustrated” → Yes, that can be true.

If the answer is no, this immediately exposes the belief because it forces you to own the statement rather than hiding behind “feeling” language.

“I feel like an imposter at my new job” → “I am an imposter” → Is that really true?

↪️ No. They wouldn't have hired me if I were a fraud.

“I feel like I’m bothering people” → "I am bothering people" → Is that really true?

↪️ Probably not. They said I should reach out if I needed any help.

Congrats! 🎉 You've unmasked the belief masquerading as a feeling. Now it's time to replace it with something that actually serves you.

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Step 2: Shift the belief

Once you’ve identified that you’re dealing with a belief (not a feeling) you can start shifting that belief using these three prompts.

1. Where did this belief come from?
2. Look for counter-evidence.
3. Rewrite the belief.

Let's work through the shift with an example.

Example: I feel like an imposter at my new job. ➡️ Belief = I am an imposter.

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1. Where did this belief come from?

I was taught that truly capable people are naturally talented and worthy of praise. When I had to study hard or work at something, I thought that meant I wasn't capable. I also learned that you should only take on roles where you already have all the expertise. So when I got this job offer, I assumed it was just luck.

2. Look for counter-evidence.

They hired me knowing exactly what my experience was. No one lied about my background. Most successful people continue learning and growing in their roles. What I'm really feeling is nervous and nervousness about something new is completely normal.

3. Rewrite the belief.

Working hard is what makes me reliable, not inadequate. I was hired for my potential to grow, not because I already knew everything. Learning on the job is exactly what high performers do.

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Mental roadblock ahead

But the work doesn't end after you shift the belief. Now you have to change your behavior.

Easy, right? 🫠

You can intellectually understand that the belief isn’t serving you. But you still feel that resistance when you try to act differently.

You can't think your way out of that resistance. Mindset isn't enough.

👀 Because that resistance is your blind spot.

After working with hundreds of high-performers, I've identified four common blind spots that keep successful people stuck: trust, identity, beliefs, and tolerance.

When you're living by someone else's definition of success or carrying beliefs that were handed down to you, you're dealing with the beliefs blind spot.

This is why you might logically know that you deserve recognition for your work, but you still "feel icky" about self-promotion because you inherited a belief that humble people don't draw attention to themselves.

🛑 But sometimes the resistance you feel isn't just about beliefs.

Maybe you don't trust your own judgment (trust blind spot), you don't know who you are outside of your achievements (identity blind spot), or you're being too hard on yourself about the pace of change (tolerance blind spot).

While you might struggle with all four at different times, there's usually one primary blind spot driving the resistance you feel when trying to change your behavior.

📌 Want to find your primary blind spot and change the way you operate? Take The High Performers Blind Spot quiz to get started.

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Final thoughts (and feelings)

We covered a lot about beliefs in this issue, but let's not forget about our feelings.

The trick is knowing how they work together. When you catch yourself saying "I feel like an imposter" or "I feel selfish," you're revealing a belief that can be changed while also validating your feelings.

💪 That's incredibly empowering.

The next time someone tells you they have imposter syndrome, share this newsletter with them.

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is help others see that what feels permanent is actually changeable.

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That's all from me today. Thank you for reading.

🫡 See you on September 11th. Stay safe out there.

Take care of yourself,

Susan

Susan Lee

Career coach for high-performers

Founder of Hey Ms. Lee, LLC​

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