better work issue #29

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Imagine this: you had a bestseller, made millions, married your soulmate, and found inner peace.

Then you smash the nuclear button and blow your life up.

That's what happened to Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the memoir-turned-movie, Eat Pray Love.

Quick refresher: After a painful divorce, Gilbert takes a year to travel, heal, and rediscover herself. She achieved it all and more.

Fast forward ten years: she's broke, an addict, and plotting to murder her girlfriend.
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In her latest memoir, All the Way to the River, Gilbert explains why she single-handedly smashed her 'perfect life' to pieces:
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She didn’t return to a life back home that sabotaged her peace. She returned to a life that never supported it to begin with.
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Gilbert found herself yet lacked the structure to keep herself.

Back to the status quo

Without continuous support and repetition over time, our default is to revert to old habits, no matter how disciplined we are.

External goals, like a promotion or a new client, can be achieved on autopilot. Internal work is a different beast.

Shifting your identity takes years of accountability and feedback from other people. It requires a structure that won't collapse when your willpower does.

This is why my long-term clients work with me on a retainer basis, after completing my signature coaching program. Despite the performance reviews, client testimonials, and therapy sessions, they're not receiving actionable feedback.

It's not enough to know the what and why - you can't move forward without the how.
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I help my clients refine their systems so that when everything goes to hell, they remain grounded and steady - secure enough to keep a hold on the progress they've made.

Armoring up with achievement

"What do you want?"

This question makes high-performers freeze, like a deer in headlights.

Not because they don't know what they actually want.

Not because they're "overthinking" or "scared of failure."

They don't know how to get what they want without dropping the armor. An armor made up of their achievements.

The armor that protects them but also locks them in place - fat paycheck, solid reputation, predictable days.

Looks good, but feels bad.

Their gut is screaming at them to move faster, but their brain refuses to drop the armor that's slowing them down.

They are weighed down by the internalized beliefs that they've outgrown.

But these beliefs aren’t truths - they are blind spots. Luckily, there is a process for this, and I'm going to teach you how.

Call bullshit

Self-awareness and self-discipline won't help you see your blind spots (hence the name). That's why I designed this quiz: to identify your primary blind spot, the common triggers, and an actionable step forward.

After you identify your blind spot, you need to call bullshit to disrupt your thought patterns.

For example:

"Being independent is the epitome of success.”

Bullshit.

→ Before success, we had teachers, mentors, friends, and colleagues. People took a chance on you and opened doors for you. We need one another.
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“Being alone is better than being disappointed.”

Bullshit.

→ Without missteps and restorative communication, how would we ever know the strength of our relationships? Wonderful things can come from hurt and disappointment.

Then we rewrite the bullshit, but it's tough to do alone. You've thought, behaved, and moved through the world a certain way for decades, your achievements proving that this approach works.

Until it doesn't.

You feel crazy for not just being satisfied with what you have. Asking yourself, What is wrong with me?

Bullshit.

Nothing is wrong with you. But something happened to you. And if you want to understand yourself better and grow faster, then you have to drop the armor first.

What now?

Journaling and meditation are great tools to help with rewriting the bullshit. Therapy is great too (but it's not the same as coaching).

At some point, you need to leave the room and act out the rewrite in real time. You need to practice, reflect, and maintain this work. You need structure outside of yourself.

We'll talk more about how to build this structure and how coaching can help in the next issue.

Until then, just notice when you reach for your armor. Stay curious and non-judgmental.

Remember: achievement isn't protection.

Connection is protection.

Take care of yourself,

Susan