better work issue #8

​

The price of pursuing your purpose (this has nothing to do with money)

👋 Hey, it's Susan. Welcome to better work - a personal development newsletter for high-performers who put themselves first so that they can show up for the people they love.

​

If there's one thing I've learned from working with high-performers, it's that their relationship with success evolves over time. What once motivated you no longer does the trick.

It's hard to decipher what you want when you're used to relying on others to tell you what you should do. But since you've surpassed your parent's dreams and you're nowhere close to retirement, you're on your own to figure out this next season of your life.

When searching for how to live out our purpose, the question isn't "What's the best way to spend my time?" but rather "What am I willing to pay to find out?"

​

Read the full newsletter below.

↓

🌠 Why finding purpose is so damn difficult

It's hard to focus on being a better person when you're hungry.

Our parents' and grandparents' generations didn't concern themselves with finding purpose because they needed to find work to survive.

This tracks with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs; you need to cover the basics before you can focus on other things like personal fulfillment.

​

My clients are at the top of Maslow's hierarchy: self-actualization. This is often triggered by an existential crisis, burnout, major life transition, or a combination of the three.

Finding your purpose isn't as easy as taking a course, so there's a sea of advice out there. One of the most popular frameworks of how to find your purpose is known as ikigai.

​

​

Ikigai is a Japanese concept meaning "a reason for being." The Venn diagram shown above illustrates how to find your ikigai; the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

This Venn diagram was derived from the bestselling book Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Héctor García and Francesc Miralles.

🛑 But it's wrong.

Determined to learn more, I asked my friend Frank (who is a professor at University of Pennsylvania with a speciality in Japanese studies) how he defines ikigai.

Here's his response:

He followed up with suggesting constant mindfulness as a way of achieving ikigai.

I interpret ikigai as living in all four circles of that Venn diagram, constantly moving between them, rather than living in the one intersection.

🍂 Sometimes you're in a season of pure financial gain. Sometimes you're in a season of doing what you love and making an impact that's outside of your skill set while not getting paid. Seasons shift (even in places like Hawaii).

Confession: I was trapped by this Venn diagram when I first encountered the concept of ikigai.

I had a poster sized Post-It of this Venn diagram on my wall. I spent hours staring at it, trying to figure out the intersection like it was a puzzle to be solved.

While I figured out my why (to end suffering through teaching), the Venn diagram couldn't tell me how to fulfill my why. The only way to find the answer is to act, not just think.

​

🐸 Taking the leap

There comes a point in a high-performer's career where their compensation isn't reflective of their efforts. More money isn't the answer; they are willing to take a pay cut if it means pursuing something that is more fulfilling emotionally.

Especially if they gain more control over their time.

Impact-driven high-performers are destined to create something of their own. It doesn't have to be a business (though it often is), but they see the value of creating an asset that they can control and fulfills their purpose.

😬 But this unlocks a new fear: what if the way they pursue their purpose ends up being a total waste of time, money, and energy?

This question doesn't go away after you take the leap. As your journey unfolds, there will be many instances where you'll revisit this question.

You'll wonder if you haven't gotten to where you want to be yet because you were doomed to fail from the start. Or are you being impatient and need to give it more time?

When there isn't a clear answer, there's another way to help you make a decision: reframe the way you think about the problem.

Here are two reframes we're going to cover:

1. You go where your eyes go.
2. Nothing is a waste of time.

​

🖼️ Reframe #1 - You go where your eyes go

If catastrophizing situations was an Olympic sport, I would win a medal. 🏅

Growing up in an immigrant household in the U.S., there was little room for error. My family's way of protecting ourselves was to implement worst-first thinking.

Worst-first thinking is to act as if the worst will happen, even if the odds are slim to none. It's a defensive measure to give yourself the illusion of feeling safe.

• What if I fail?
• What if I make a mistake?
• What if I make the wrong choice?

While worst-first thinking protected me, it also limited me. Worst-first thinking deteriorated other parts of my life, like my tolerance for risk.

⛓️ After all, a fortress is a cage by a different name.

Since the muscle of taking risks was weak from underuse, I constantly defaulted to worst-first thinking. Even if the risk was small, I couldn't help but think about how I could have used the time, money or energy towards something more productive.

🚲 I needed a new mental model that would help me look beyond potential failures to see potential paths forward. This came from an unexpected place - learning to ride a motorbike in Southeast Asia.

​

​

While I was backpacking around Southeast Asia, I wanted to learn how to ride a motorbike. But I was terrified of crashing and injuring myself in a foreign country. The risk didn't seem worth it.

🦘 Then I met a friendly Australian named Dale who was traveling exclusively on a motorbike, so I asked him for his advice.

That was more than ten years ago and I never forgot what he said.

“You go where your eyes go. So if you’re about to crash into something, don’t keep staring at it!" Dale laughed, "Look where you want to go.”

It was that simple. When I looked at the right lane, I moved to the right lane. When I was heading straight for a coconut tree, I looked away from it to avoid crashing into it. I didn't have to move or think about steering at all.

When we face an obstacle and focus too much on the problem, we can lose sight of where we wanted to go in the first place. That's why we're often told to remember our why.

This is not to say that the small, everyday decisions don't matter. Thinking about the big picture is a reminder that there will be lots of small decisions along the way, which gives you room to make a few mistakes.

It's better to make a decision that turns out to be a mistake, rather than letting your indecision interfere with entire process.

You worked your ass off so you can quite literally afford to take risks and make mistakes without putting yourself or your family in danger.

​

🖼️ Reframe #2 - Nothing is a waste of time

As someone who traveled to over forty-two countries, my absolute favorite thing to do is to wander.

📵 No phone, no map, just point me in the direction of the town and I’ll figure it out from there.

Some people view my wandering as a waste of time. They create packed itineraries to make the most of every minute of their trip.

👀 But a waste of time isn’t a truth, it’s a perspective.

👉🏼 What would you do right now if you decided that nothing is a waste of time, and everything is a rite of passage?

Rite of passages often reference big life moments like going to college, getting married, and becoming a parent. But those moments don't happen in isolation. Rite of passages are transitions from one season to the next.

Some transitions are shorter than others. Our instinct is to get out of a transition as quickly as possible because they're stressful. We just want to get to where we need to be.

But you're a high-performer. Once you get to the other side of the transition, you won't sit still for long. Life is a series of transitions and the trick to enjoying them is accepting them as where you need to be, rather than where you need to leave.

This is also known as mindfulness (shout-out to Professor Frank ✌🏼).

​

💰 Naming your price

The value of your time and the cost of taking risks are not determined by numbers or logic. They're based on how you feel and what your gut tells you.

But when you've been conditioned to cater to others and suppress your desires, it's hard to listen to yourself. This is where trust becomes crucial - not just trusting others but trusting yourself to make the right decisions about how you spend your most valuable resource: time.

Trust is one of the four primary blind spots that high-performers experience when it comes to their personal growth.

High-performers with the trust blind spot tend to lean heavily on other people's opinions and feedback. Though they recognize others trust them for their integrity and reliability, they struggle to grant themselves equal faith in their own judgment.

Trust could be the invisible blocker in your growth. To find out, join the VIP list for the The High-Performer's Blind Spot Quiz.

​

This ten question quiz zeroes on the real reason why you're feeling stuck and a practical next step.

​Click here to join the VIP list.

The other side of this link is a boilerplate confirmation page. No gotchas, I promise.

🌟 Being a VIP means three things:

1. You're one of the first people to be notified when the only assessment to unblock high-performers is ready.
2. You get dibs on the limited free slots of something you've never seen before in the coaching space. Here's a hint: gamified personal growth. Coming this Summer 2025!
3. You'll stop chasing your why and start living it.

​

Thanks for reading!

Since this newsletter goes out twice a month on Thursdays and May has five Thursdays, the next issue will be published in three weeks.

🫡 See you on May 15th.

​

Take care of yourself,

Susan

Susan Lee

Career coach for holistic growth ⭐ enrolling clients for Summer 2025 ⭐

Founder of Hey Ms. Lee, LLC​

​

P.S. Did you love today's newsletter? There are three ways you make a big impact with low effort:

1. Forward this email to one person or share this link to a group you're in.
2. Reply with your reaction or thoughts.
3. Take the poll below (two clicks).

What did you think about today's newsletter? (🚨 make sure you confirm your choice on the next screen) 🤯 I NEEDED this! You read my mind. 🤔 It made me think in a good way. 🤓 Not relevant to me but I enjoyed the read!

​

✌️ After Work

This is a bonus section where I share opportunities, recommendations, freebies, and funsies.

​

🪺 What does a new mom and an empty nester have in common?

Christina Kohl's youngest of three kids moved out of the house recently. I'm a new mom to a boisterous 18-month old.

What do we both have in common? ➡️ Major shift in identity.

No matter what kind of life transition you're facing (parent or not), we dropped several gems in this podcast episode of Her Next Chapters to help you navigate what comes next and who you can become.

​

✈️ I traveled to over 42 countries. Here are my ride-or-die travel accessories.

• Eagle Creek for packing cubes. This is one of the newer models and I was stunned by how much it can hold (five pairs of pants and eight button-downs for a large man). Plus it compresses!
• Samsonite for luggage. It's an OG luggage brand for a reason. I love this backpack; perfect for my laptop and essentials. Spicy take: soft sided luggage is superior to hard side luggage. Fight me.
• This Airplane Pocket and this Airplane Phone Mount. Everyone on the plane will be jealous of you.
• Do you know the #1 thing that people forget to pack? A pen. 🖊️ Laugh now but when you're surprised with filling out custom forms during your flight, you'll thank me.

​

👐🏼 Got something to share?

Do you have an event, launch, or freebie that you want to share with the world? Let's feature it in better work!

Take this as a sign from the Universe that you shouldn't build alone.

Reply to this email and tell me more about it.

​

💜 Motherload is looking for writers!

Got a story to share that isn't centered around raising kids, but the woman behind it all?

✍️ Motherload will be looking for writers to share their stories on Substack in 2025.

More details are coming, but if you already know you want to be a part of this, reply to this email with the word "writer."

​

​

📥 Looking to grow your email list?

If you love my newsletter and you have an active newsletter on Kit, let's grow our email lists by recommending each other in the Creator Network.

👉 Reply with the word "kit."

Or are you ready to launch a newsletter? I recommend Kit! I've tried other platforms but ended up sticking with Kit for over three years. Get a 14-day free trial with my affiliate link (I have the Creator plan).

​

---