โฐ๏ธ You don't need to be challenged. You need to not be bored.
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๐ Hey, it's Susan. Welcome to better work - a personal development newsletter for high-performers who put themselves first so that they can show up for the people they love.
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๐ฆ A bank robber dies during a heist and wakes up in heaven. Every day, he pulls off a heist, gets the babe, and enjoys his riches.
Eventually, he gets bored.
So he asks the angel to make the heists more challenging.
"Sure," said the angel, "But you're still going to win in the end."
Frustrated, the bank robber demands to be sent to hell instead.
The angel replied, "What do you mean? You're already here."
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Read the full newsletter below.
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Winning all the time is a good problem to have, but it's still a problem.
Our default approach to solving problems? Think bigger! Do more! Reach higher!
โฐ๏ธ Find your Mount Everest.
But what happens after you've summited Mount Everest not once but six times, like Melissa Arnot Reid?
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Thereโs this idea that when you get that achievement and you receive those accolades, you want to go back and do it again. But it also feels pretty empty. Itโs never enough.
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-Melissa Arnot Reid, American mountaineer
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Humans are not meant to survive on top of Mount Everest. Some unfortunate ones died during the climb (and were left there). You need to commit your life to the climb for at least a year. Despite these grueling conditions, Reid reached the top of Everest multiple times without oxygen.
But the climb wasn't the hardest part.
๐ฉ The hardest part was not letting everything else in her life go to shit.
โIn this interview with The Daily Show, Reid admitted that she used the challenge of climbing Mount Everest as an unhealthy coping mechanism for her trauma - and that therapy would have been cheaper.
Her story got me wondering: when we're given a choice, why do we choose the hard things?
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๐ฎ Hard mode
We live in a society obsessed with convenience, yet we deliberately choose to make things hard for ourselves.
In some cases, you can rationalize the hardship. Another graduate degree could give you a leg up in your career, despite the hefty student loans and time commitment.
๐ก๏ธ But why do people volunteer for war zones and put their lives at risk?
๐ธ Why do people choose to have children when they could break your heart and your bank account?
Paul Bloom, author of The Sweet Spot and a psychology professor at Yale University, claims that chosen suffering is the key to a meaningful life.
Given that meaning involves the pursuit of significant and impactful goals, meaning will inevitably come with suffering - with difficulty and anxiety and conflict, and perhaps much more.
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When one chooses to have a child or go to war or climb a mountain, one might not wish for or welcome suffering, but it always comes along for the ride.
But not all hardship and suffering will lead to meaning and fulfillment.
Hard things that are imposed on you are different than hard things you choose. Let's look at the difference.
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๐ญ Imposed hard vs. chosen hard
Imposed Hard - Things that happen TO you
- Financial struggles, health issues, family trauma
- The stress causes more problems down the line
- In the best case, you find a silver lining
Chosen Hard - Things you intentionally pursue despite difficulty
- Having kids, starting a business, serving your country
- The difficulty serves a purpose aligned with your values
- Long-term gains make up for the initial sacrifices
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The funny thing is, your chosen hard won't feel like suffering or hardship to you. Others won't understand your choice, but to you, it's so obvious that it's worth it.
But watch out for this trap: ๐ชค easy can make you feel uneasy.
High-performers were taught that struggle equals worthiness. They get antsy when life feels easy and comfy.
I'll never forget when a client was so distraught because she was feeling too content. What am I supposed to be doing right now?!
But you're not lazy for wanting things to be easier.
You're strategic for choosing where to spend your energy because your value isn't measured in hours anymore. One hour of deep thinking to clarify your team's priorities will save them from spinning their wheels on the wrong projects for months.
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๐ค How do I choose my hard?
I don't think you need to suffer to find meaning. But I do believe you need to be intentional about your choices.
Making yourself busy so you feel productive because you "should be doing something right now" isn't intentional.
Start here ๐๐ผ What's one thing you can do repeatedly and never get bored?
Then use these filters as you experiment ๐๐ผ
๐ฅธ Things that are disguised as a distraction
- Choosing hard just because easy feels "wrong"
- Making things harder than they need to be for no reason
- Using difficulty to avoid dealing with deeper issues
๐งญ Things that provide direction
- The challenge aligns with your core values
- You can see how the difficulty builds the skills or character you want
- Even when it's tough, you don't regret the choice
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For me, my chosen hard is better work, the newsletter you're reading right now. This newsletter is not easy, but it strengthens my writing and creativity skills. I can spend hours on one issue and feel like no time has passed. When I finally publish the damn thing, I feel like I just finished a marathon - I'm exhilarated, exhausted, and I have to pee.
It's tough to differentiate what we want from what we think we should want. That's our belief system at play.
๐ If you think your inherited beliefs are keeping you stuck, take The High-Performer's Blind Spot Quiz to find out if your instincts are right. This 5-minute assessment reveals which of the four common blind spots (trust, identity, beliefs, or tolerance) is blocking your growth despite all your success.
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โ๐ผ Take a break from goals
There's nothing wrong with setting goals, but there's a major flaw - goals have an endpoint.
Then we sit with the dreaded question What's next?
๐ So what if the goal didn't have an endpoint? What if the journey was infinite?
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Instead of collecting goals like plastic trophies โก๏ธ pursue mastery.
The pursuit of mastery is a paradox; it's enough pressure to keep you motivated, but it releases you from the expectation of having to be successful (whatever that means).
Success is an event-based victory based on a peak point, a punctuated moment in time. Mastery requires endurance and more than a commitment to a goal.
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๐จ Think of a painter. Once she finishes painting a piece, she doesn't say, "OK, I'm done painting. What's next?"
Instead, she quietly sets the finished piece aside, picks up a fresh canvas, and keeps painting.
The meaning is in practice. The practice brings you peace.
Remember our superhuman Everest climber, Melissa Arnot Reid?
Here's what she said about achieving inner peace:
It is a forever journey. There is no neat and tidy summit that we arrive on and we're just enough. It's a continuous forever climb and I'm on that climb. It's weirdly more hard and also more rewarding than climbing Everest.
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That's all from me today. Thank you for reading. Forward this issue to someone who has a hard time staying still.
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๐ซก See you on August 28th. Stay safe.
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